FOR THE ONES WHO COULD NEVER SUBSTITUTE ME.
(the words I’ve never said: part 1)
When I woke up today, I was hoping desperately for him to be thinking about me. Is it strange how a human being can be this confused. I felt this crazy need to know if he was ever thinking about me, if he ever missed me, if he wanted to touch me..but in the other hand, I pray to never listen his voice or see his face again. All these thoughts, are caused by his hypocrite and honest face, in the same time.
Strangely, today, I was thinking about those. About cheating, about all the bitches who were actually praying to have something with him, about their disgusting smells, about the noises and the moaning at his car. About all the hidden looks on my back. I was thinking about his torture, every time he realized that she, wasn’t me.
But I knew it really well that this was driving him crazy. This made me asking him one day, about the reason why was he doing this to me. When actually those, never could enter into his mind, soul and his heart.
Did I forget myself, only because I found someone?
Well, I should admit, that these questions were flying in my head for a long time.
I am sure you are asking how did I found the answers. Actually I never did. I just know, that In my mind, those, are only ugly silhouettes, without feelings, able to give everything they have, only for pleasure and the next day, pretend like nothing ever happened.
Guys, he is a male. Of course this is not an excuse, but I call it Theoretical Explanation, with a detail included: he was seeking me. In their stupid, empty eyes, he searched me. Needed to find my presence, in my missing.
(you know, men always have a back up seat girl; he tried to do the same) after those adventures, he always started to come and find me. Probably, I was writing on my lap top, sited in French Coffee, holding the mug in my hands. I know he would sit next to me, pick up his phone and starting to surf on it. But, thinking about me. He would’ve waited for a word from me, forgiveness or regret. By looking at me, he would understand (trying to say it in a girlish way) that he lost the moon while counting the stars.
To be continued..if he is still worth to be written about.
looking4heanna 